'Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door' Is The Best Mario Game Ever
It's undisputed. And now that the game is getting a remaster for Switch, it's time for everyone to know why. Also, it's time to recognize the value of my writing. Full Stop.
According to this article, there are nearly 300 games featuring the exalted, mustachioed, overall-clad plumber, but Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door (PMTTYD) is the best one beyond a reasonable doubt.
Some may cling to the very first game, Super Mario Bros., as the originator. Others might cite Super Mario 64 in regard to its capacity for exploration.
But PMTTYD simply takes the best elements of every Mario game, seamlessly combines them, adds a whole new aesthetic-driven interactivity (the paper of it all), and binds it together with an actually wonderful narrative!
I already spent over $120 to get a GameCube copy (can anyone spell “out of production”?) but now that it’s coming to Switch I’ll be able to take that journey with me wherever I go.
Check out five reasons below (that are filled with spoilers by the way) why PMTTYD sits on the Mario throne.
Also, before you read about the best Mario game ever, you should know that now every post on the newsletter that isn’t an Artist’s Brain will only be fully available to paid subscribers.
For a while, my mentality was “What can I offer beyond my writing that makes the newsletter worth money?”
But the truth is, my writing is worth money (I mean, I make 100% of my fucking living off of it).
Another thought I had was “If I make the newsletter paid, no one will read it.”
Well, I never look at the stats from the newsletter anyway so I already have no idea if anyone reads it (except for the immaculate souls who have specifically texted me to tell me they enjoy my work. I love you more than you know).
I started this newsletter to write for myself. Without concern for stats. I’m accustomed to not getting a dime from this and I’ve still loved it. If anyone decides my words are worth $5 a month that’s just icing on the cake.
I’ve left the first item in the list below available for free to get an idea of just how incredible PMTTYD is, but the rest is behind a paywall. And again, every Artist’s Brain will remain free to all because I would never hinder the spread of amazing nascent musicians.
1. It’s A Me! A Story!
The story of PMTTYD, I believe, was one of the primary precursors to games being held in the same category of reverence as film and television.
It’s a departure from the basic and trite “save the princess” narrative that all the other Mario games have (if they’re not solely platformers or based on competition like Kart and Party), and it dives into relatable themes like love, bravery, family, and friendship in a truly resonant manner.
Consider the following examples:
Firstly, Peach has her own narrative. Instead of the damsel in distress, she makes the best of her captivity in a space station on a distant moon to aid Mario in his quest to save her. How does she make the best of her captivity you might be asking? Well, to explain that we have to introduce a pivotal character in PMTTYD: TEC-XX.
TEC-XX is the space station’s onboard computer system. The most advanced ever. So advanced, in fact, that TEC, in his programming, wants to learn about the aspects of humans that make them, well, humans.
Princess Peach is the human TEC (the nickname he proposes) is charged with keeping captive, and in its quest for knowledge may have discovered more than what it intended.
Through the power of technology, this computer program speaks to Princess Peach, dances with her, and then, as is only natural for humans, falls in love with her, and in such a state he decides that he can not be a party to her capture anymore.
TEC’s forlorn journey comes to a close when Sir Grodus (the primary antagonist) deletes TEC after discovering his intentions to free Princess Peach from the prison on the moon. As TEC utters its last words before signing off for good, my heart breaks every time.
(Are you sold yet? I haven’t even gotten to anything that Mario does).
Like previous games in the series, in PMTTYD Mario traverses various different environments, all of which have their own narrative arcs that build off one another while maintaining their individual identities as well.
There’s Twilight Town where the civilians are all being turned into pigs one by one thanks to an ancient curse. Mario travels to Keelhaul Key to reclaim a long-lost pirate treasure from an evil ghost. He even solves a series of crimes on a train (Agatha would be proud).
But one chapter that best demonstrates the ingenuity of PMTTYD’s storyline is Glitzville, the combat arena floating in the sky haunted by a never-ending list of mysteriously disappearing combatants.
In order to reveal what’s happening to all of these missing people (and toads, koopas, etc.), Mario must, of course, enter the competition…and soon finds himself in the thick of the mystery.
Before long he starts getting gifted poisoned cakes, hatching strange eggs, and receiving notes from the anonymous “X,” who guides Mario through the nooks and crannies of the Glitzville arena to reveal that the promoter, Grubba, is using the Crystal Star (the items you’re searching for throughout the story) to suck the life force of all the missing fighters and strengthen himself.
In the end, it turns out to be Grubba’s assistant, Jolene, was X and the sister of the previous champion, Mush, one of the heroes from whom Grubba stole life force.
Those are just two examples of intriguing stories added on top of the central “Save the Princess” plot, which, in and of itself, is far more interesting than other Mario games.
In PMTTYD, Peach is kidnapped, but not by Bowser. It is a plot of Sir Grodus and his army of X-Nauts (a new population of characters/enemies) who, instead of wanting to marry Peach (like Bowser does in every other Mario game), intend to use Peach’s body as a host for an ancient evil spirit.
In that regard he is a success, but just like Sauron was using Saruman, the spirit quickly discards Grodus before the final battle, zapping away his body with a lightning bolt, leaving only his head behind. Talk about dark!
Bringing in a new villain that isn't Bowser not only expanded the Mario universe, but it allowed Bowser to take on a new role in the series, one that adds delightful comic relief to the story.
See, he’s rather jealous that someone besides him took the princess, and he wants back in on the action. I’ll let you find out just how he does so…
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